i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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