you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
