I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
