How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
