bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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