1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
