can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize