I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
