Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
