i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
