This girl is more easily done than said...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
