my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
