you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
