They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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