I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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