And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you didnt know i had herpes?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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