Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
