well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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