I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
as a side note pls kill me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
