Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am midnight drunk by noon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize