He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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