I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
