we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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