fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
