did you get engaged???
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
