actually, I'm a sock model
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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