you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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