my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
