That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
