oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
