Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
