I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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