I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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