you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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