anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize