Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
