yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
