I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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