I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
