Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
