I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
