you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
