I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
