You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
