He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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