So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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