eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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