I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
