Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
