Don't make out with my wife yet
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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