Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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