Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I could make wine with my vomit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
