I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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