Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
