saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
