I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
