He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
