Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shame is for Republicans.
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