Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
