I think I am morally bankrupt
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
