i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
