I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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