I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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