So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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