you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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