all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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