If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
