Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
