I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
