Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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